Sometimes we have to change our expectations

I am heading to Dallas this weekend for the Rock & Roll Half Marathon on Sunday……and I am SICK! It started last Saturday with a few sneezes and after heading to the doctor for a quick check up and a Z-pack, I’ve continued to get worse. I have ZERO voice, its just a whisper. I am alternating between blowing my nose, sneezing, and occasionally having a coughing fit. You can only imagine how well running 13.1 miles in this state is going to go. I occasionally have one side of my nose I can breathe out of, so that will help in the running, maybe?!?

Image

So in the midst of this, I’m having to realize that just like so often in life, things are out of my control. I have trained strong and hard for 18 weeks to get here. I’ve put in the hours, the miles, the heart….but this circumstance, this being sick, is completely out of my control. So I am trying to convince myself to view this 13.1 miles as a great training run, with new scenery, and use it to build up to my D.C. race in 5 more weeks. Its not the worst thing in the world. I will still run it, I will still cross the finish line, I just won’t be able to push my limits or chase a PR. I can handle that. 

Image

Like most disappointment in life, it happens, we can’t avoid it, but we CAN choose to see it in the most positive light possible. We can choose to run the race that is set before us with the endurance that is afforded us, and we can do our very best. My goal is just to finish. I know the time will bother me, but I have to be okay with it. A good, strong training run can make me stronger and more prepared for my next race, and all things working together….maybe I’ll PR there. Life happens, you just have to roll with it…and I am. 

Advertisements

Becoming Me

297896eaf437c1826f2d2aba8aa28d3a

From the time we are born we begin a process of becoming…. I am 32 years old and some days I realize I am learning who I am and there are moments I feel at home in my own skin. It’s funny to me to write that, but if most of us were honest with ourselves we spend a lot of time being someone we’re not, or just not quite feeling like we know who we really are. We all have labels. For example, I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a follower of Jesus, a runner. I could go on and on of the labels that I am. These are concrete for the most part, I understand my role and who I am to be in each of these positions. But then there is the me that doesn’t quite fit into a nice neat label. Here are a few things I’ve been learning about myself.

5968702db2f87615e44d68acce01a6a5

-I am learning to love my body for the strength it possesses, not the number on a scale. This is hard, I’m not going to lie. But realizing that a number will never make me a different person is freeing. This is a daily struggle I have to let go of, but with most things…as time passes it gets easier.

-I can be insecure. If you met me, you’d think I was loud, always happy, and super confident. I give off this vibe to most people, but if you really knew me you’d know that I am pretty insecure about a lot of things. I’m getting better at this, but just keeping it real. I have a very real fear of rejection…and as I’ve learned this I understand some of my relational behaviors better. It helps me to grow as a person and the first part of changing is identifying the problem, right?!?

-I’m not nearly as extroverted as I once thought I was. I love to talk. A lot and LOUD if you know me. But over the past few years I have learned the value of begin a listener. Sometimes you don’t need to offer words back, sometimes just an ear at the other end of the phone line is better than any words you have to offer. I have learned to value quietness in my life. As a mother of two young kids, this can be rare….but that makes it all the more precious to me. We all need time to recollect and refresh ourselves.

-I’m an annoying optimist. I’ve always been a positive person, but I realize that I ALWAYS have to find the good in a circumstance. If you don’t want to hear the bright side of any situation, you probably should find someone else to tell it to, I will always find a silver lining. As I told someone the other day…my track record for surviving a bad day is 100% so far. I mean, can’t get much better than that. If its rough, it will eventually get better…just hang in there.

-I wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m loyal to a fault. These two things can set you up for much heartache, but I’m learning that most heartaches are worth it for the chance to love and be loved. I also hide my feelings behind a smile, it’s not that I’m being fake, it’s that I ALWAYS smile. Like, ALWAYS! Even in the midst of a super hard, exhausting cycle class or boot camp, I’m smiling. Yeah, something is wrong with me 🙂

-I’m learning that I want to be known. Not the me I put out there, which is slowly lining up with the “me” I’m realizing I am, but the real me. I want some to know my heart, my joys, my fears, my dreams. To know and be known makes life so much sweeter.

91b23bbdb9002aa0f5429dda1f7db005

As I learn more about me, and feel comfortable being who I am, its funny to watch the masks that drop away in my everyday life. There have been times I’ve felt like I’ve walked around with multiple personalities trying to be a different me to different people. It’s exhausting, confusing, and I felt like a fraud. I never felt comfortable just being “me.” I didn’t know if I’d be accepted, the fear of rejection is strong and I’d rather pretend to be someone I’m not than be rejected for who I truly am.

1d58ea7049f33722abe1691bb94f8945

As these walls start crumbling, starting with just being truthful about who I am and who I’m not…more often than not these days I feel like I’m learning to be who I really am, learning to accept myself as I am, love myself as I am….and I have learned that those who truly love me and want me in their lives will still be there. If they are not, then in the long run I’m better for it because they couldn’t accept me for me. Becoming an adult is freeing in some ways when you realize that so much of the stress you live under is self-imposed.

Hi, I’m Jackie….I am definitely a work in progress and you can either love me as I am….or don’t. It’s your loss

57ea3269f1f387a256b5770ef56366c2

What’s in store for you weekend?

Happy March everyone. Here in Houston all things Rodeo are kicking off and my mouth is watering thinking of the rodeo foods that are out there. I won’t be heading over there this weekend, but very soon I’ll be taking my kids to enjoy all the festivities that the Rodeo offers. We Texans have a deep love for our Rodeo, it’s like the whole city transforms for a month, I love it.

IMG_6986

Me & my girls on a sunny day here in Texas

Today I am gearing up for a 10 mile slow training run…3 weeks from tomorrow is my next half marathon (the Rock & Roll 1/2 in Dallas.) I have been doing great on my schedule and even squeezed in an extra run this week, along with my normal training run. It’s been trial and error figuring out training with 6 weeks between the two races. For the most part I took a couple of days off after my first race and then picked back up with the schedule I’d been following, running my long runs a little longer than the first time around. I am hoping this will help with endurance as I eat the hills on my next race 🙂

The weather is crazy around here lately….going from 30’s to 70’s and back again. So I am going to get out there and get it done before it gets rainy and cold again. I hope you all enjoy this wonderful weekend. ENJOY!!

What’s your training look like this weekend?

Are you training for a race or just running to run right now? 

-Jackie